ok, i think we all go that lesson down. now for something more personal.
someone recently asked me if i was single because i was still hurt over my fiancee leaving three years ago tomorrow (08/08/08) my answer surprised even myself. i'm single because i understand the commitment and responsibility of caring for someone more than myself and that's not something i want to take on right now.
it's kinda like how i brought Roubaix into my life. (my beautiful orange tabby cat) she was a joy, until she started chewing up everything. after everything i tried, more toys, pepper spray, squirt punishment, she still kept chewing. finally the vet said "some cats are just chewers and unless she gets enough stimulation like more cats or people to play with she will just keep chewing" so i made the TOUGH decision to find her a new home. i'm happy to report Ruby (as her new family calls her) is doing awesome in her new home.
my point? responsibility. love takes responsibility. i can barely give myself the attention i need so what makes me think i can give that to someone else. far too often people look to be in relationships to get their needs met without realizing the responsibility of taking care of the other person's emotional needs. i mean i gag at the thought of me "having to care" about someone's bad day at work. that's crazy to me at where i'm at in my life right now.
don't get me wrong. i'm not all depressed and lonely, i'm rebuilding. and i like rebuilding without having to worry about others right now. don't get me wrong, i kinda miss the physical company of a girlfriend but i miss feeling like "my true self" even more so that's where my focus lays.
-rebuilding dominator
