blender me this batman...

(4 days post op) monday is the day i start drinking "thick" liquids. this means smoothies and protein shakes. but more importantly it means ENERGY!!! i can't go back to work until i can stay awake and walk around all day. i can't do that until i shove enough protein down my gullet to keep me going all day. i'm doing a WHOLE lot better than i was on tuesday when i came home but it's still touch and go. i haven't puked since wednesday, which means i'm getting better on how much i can swallow at one time. as of today 1.5 ounces is MAX. leave it to an engineer to figure this shizzle out. i am ON IT. so right now it's 1.5 oz every 15 minutes. again this is clear fluids only. nothing milky just clear. so that means, shots of chicken broth, isopure, iced tea and water. mix in a stick of gum for dinner (so i can get that need to chew outta me) and that's it. 

so i decided on the "Vitamix 1709 CIA Professional Series" blender. after hearing from y'all, and doing my own research what it came down to, was consistency of the fluid. this will be my external stomach for the next couple of months so it has to get chunks down to extremely small pieces with a consistency as silky as possible. only the professional grade blenders with removable blades came close to this in the reviews. unfortunately i couldn't go cheap here. 

to recap the last few days since surgery, it's like having a permanent tummy ache, with gas, and diarrhea. not pleasant, but considering they sliced off and threw away 75% of my stomach not too bad of a trade off. now, lets see how well i can liquify a big mac LOL.

-blender bending dominator

liquid vike-o-din...

(3 days post op) that stuff is a life changer for sure. i'm able to get up and move around. and almost feel completely normal. right now my biggest issue is ENERGY and severe gas pain. any and everything i swallow causes gas. water, isopure (protein drink) or broth and i puff out like a marshmallow. i've tried the anti gas medicine but it only helps a little. one thing i can tell you, following the liquid diet is the easiest part of it all. if swallowing water causes gas do you even want to imagine what a chicken nugget might do?!? HELLZ NO!!!

so far so good. and i'm only able to write this cuz of the liquid vikes!!! praise be to the liquid vike gods LOL. but seriously i am feeling amazingly well considering they laproscopically removed 75% of my stomach. my skin is covered in a thick oilly substance. my guess is it's my bodies way to release toxins. i think that is what is driving Griffen crazy. he knows it's daddy but i don't "smell" like daddy so he's been acting crazy. if i wash my hands really well he'll let me pet him but when he gets to my face. he has this "who the hell are you" look and runs away. oh, well, time to shut her down. and thanx for all your prayers, keep them coming. i know they are helping. 

-liquid vike-o-din dominator

36 hours after...

man, i'll get into the details of the worst night of my life some other time. i can say i feel much better 36 hours later. my dad took all my stuff with him when he left. no phone, computer, but i was in so much pain i didn't even watch tv. but i'm home now and i won't be bothered by those gawdamned nurses. i even yelled at them (not their fault) i know but i had to let them know how i was feeling so they'd at least leave me alone a while.

-at home dominator

8 hours to go...

well, i'm downing a big glass of gatorade to stay hydrated. cuz no more food or drink till TUESDAY!!! going to ATTEMPT to go to sleep now, so i can wake up at 3:00 am and get ready to go to the hospital.

-dominator

12 hours to go...

got all my supplies shopped for, and deciding to eat some what-a-burger (yeah, yeah, yeah i know) but hey, won't be able to get it down for a LONG time after so what the heck. i am thinking once i'm in inpatient i won't have an IV. which means NO fluids and dry mouth. when i come to, i'll have the mac book so i'll be letting you guys know what's what. drinking a lot today to try and stay hydrated.

-dominator

15 hours to go...

"before" pics all taken, and compiling list of things to take with me to hospital. ipad, check, mac book, check, phone, check, chargers, check etc... i do have to go to the store and pick up some gas-x strips and liquid tylenol to take with me. this will be fun (NOT). there's going to be lots of gas and diarrhea in my future. it simply can't be helped, and it will suck, and i'm dreading it.

-dominator

2 days to go...

48 hours from now i will most likely be in the recovery room and i will have 75% less stomach. and i'm praying i'll be well with no complications. my state of mind right now is "lets do this" i'm ready. i did all the research, went to all the classes, and dr. appointments, and tests. all i have to do is show up at the hospital at 4 am monday for my 5:30 am surgery. i'll post more about my state of mind later today.

-48 hour dominator

my take on windows 8...

a brief break from surgery talk. i installed win 8 on my work and home pc and someone asked me my take:

i love it enough that i installed it on BOTH computers i use the most... at work the rule is "as long as it doesn't stop (prevent or slow down) productivity" they don't care. we're developers, so they know we'll be curious and install beta's of things and be early adopters. and they want us to because they'll benefit in the long run. that said, a group of us bit the bullet and just upgraded to see what's going on.

after 1 hour of use i decided to upgrade my main computer at home. the one i use more than any other. so if i'm going to make the 2 computers i use the most win 8 that should tell you i really like it. my laptop is faster (mostly i think of clean install) but i'm learning all the new keys and actions to do things. the UI is smooth like a smart phone and the apps that are written for "metro style" are super sweet. think iPad but your entire computer. and to switch from "metro" to "classic" is a matter of moving your mouse to a corner of the screen and clicking.

as i'm typing this i'm using google chrome in "classic" mode. most of the time at work i'm in that mode too. if the average user stays in that mode like me they'll be all like "i don't get why i needed to upgrade" other than it being smoother. but i think after developers start building more "metro style" apps. build enough to where a person doesn't have to use classic mode for anything, then people will REALLY like it. that is going to take 3 years at least, which means a lot of people and companies are going to hang on to windows 7 like they did with xp.

-win 8 dominator

Tony Scott and the scars of depression...

you must read this... this hits home very hard... people ask me often what happened that my personality changed and i stopped doing the things that gave me joy and disappeared from my friends lives... SEVERE PROLONGED DEPRESSION only with professional help was i able to come out on the other side... although the scars of depression are hard to see sometimes, in my case, they are easy. before my ex left i was a hefty but stable 265lbs, only 40 lbs off my best weight and only 20lbs off my competitive weight. after 3 months i was 315 and after 7 months i was 365. i've hovered between 365 and 335 for the last 4 years. 367 was the most i weighed and during the last 4 years 327 was the lightest i got before the pain of working out overwhelmed me.

please read the article, the pain of severe depression is unimaginable for someone who has never gone through it. and for people say "just get over her" or "snap out of it" can't see your soul lopped in half and bleeding all over the place. if they could visually see how you felt they would never say dumb shit like that and would trying to take your ass to a hospital emergency room. I AM BEING REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT THAT LAST POINT. really, they would stop their lives and help you. in my case i had to get a professional counselor and after 5 months (yes, 5 months) i recovered enough not to go anymore.

the good news is that i am now getting a surgery to help me remove that scar and more importantly MOVE THE FUCK ON with my life. i hope you all read the article and understand a little about depression you may not have known.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/21/health/raison-suicide-tony-scott/index.html

-depression survivor dominator

philosophically easy, difficult in practice...

ME:
t-minus 5 days and counting... tick-tock
ME:
i'm too freaked out to see the other side...but i am starting too a little bit  
Person:
Nothing to be freaked out about. It's the right decision. It was never going to be easy, and you knew that. It's gonna suck for a while, but there's a whole lot about how your life is going NOW that you think sucks and that you wanna fix. So...it's pretty binary: fix it, or stay unhappy. Right? So... philosophically easy, difficult in practice. Means it's probably a good call.
Person:
Like we said yesterday: sit back and enjoy the ride.
Person:
Kinda like skydiving the first time: stepping off the aircraft is the hard part, after that? What's gonna happen is what's gonna happen, might as well relax!
ME:
LOL i like that :)

-difficult in practice dominator

liquid diet...

less freaked out this morning. i am just being honest here and i don't recommend this but... i haven't been following the liquid diet. if i didn't have to stop taking pain meds (of any kind) stop taking supplements (to sleep or wake up) and or didn't have to maintain a 9-5 job then sure i could do a liquid diet. if that was the only change i'd have to endure for the next 3 weeks it wouldn't be that big of a deal and i am sure i'd be able to cope. but that's NOT what's going on. so why do they want you on a liquid diet?

3 reasons: 

#1 most important for them liver shrinkage. your liver produces less bile (used for breaking down foods) if it's only liquids and this decrease means decrease in size (less fatty) this is important for mechanical reasons. your liver is in front of your stomach so the smaller it is the easier it is for them to do the surgery. the easier for them the faster they are the less time for complications.

#2 next important for them was reducing girth around the mid-section. again a mechanical thing. easier, faster, less complications.

#3 most important for me. since you'll have to be on a liquid diet for 3 weeks after the surgery (no choice here) you'd BETTER get used to it!!! as for this reason i will deal with it. you'll have scars and swollen stomach to remind you "don't you dare eat solid food" 

i liken this liquid diet scenario to telling a crack addict "hey, we'll give you a surgery to not want crack but you have to go 3 weeks without it, Good luck" WTF?!?

so why make you do it at all? well, it's being cautious. if you know things that will make the surgery go smoother, then by all means advise them to do it. and hey, if you don't follow it to the letter, at least you'll feel guilty and follow it some. which is what i'm doing. i will say this weekend i will be on the liquid diet all weekend no exceptions.

-less freaked out dominator

greatness is...

to those that think, i'm brave, awesome, amazing or inspiring... i'm here to tell you that i'm scared shitless more than you know... what makes someone great is being scared and doing what needs to be done anyway...

-dominator

scared outta my mind...

ok, the reason i haven't posted the last week is that i've been really freaking out. i mean, this is a permanent, no going back kinda thing. i can't see the good on the other side at this point because i keep thinking of the short term discomfort and the changes i'll have to go through. you know all the unpleasant gastro effects: gas, bloating, diarrhea etc. these things should be short term but they are real. i have lived life this way for so long that it's hard thinking about how life other than this will be.

weight 241.6 

-freaked out dominator

badunk-a-dunk nurse...

so the day of the "egd" started with me fasting, yet again. that said, the liquid diet was not happening. i got a chance to meet a few other of dr kim's patients while i was there. they seemed to have the same kind of feeling i had. a little excited, a little scared, but optimistic. dr. holden was the doc preforming the egd. exactly the kind of "sugar mama" i'd like to meet and marry someday. you know, the cute, highly intelligent and successful type :^D

after the egd dr. holden let me know i have a hiatal hernia. she also said she'd fix that during the gastric sleeve procedure. a "2-for-1" kinda deal. she said it was a go for the surgery. the recovery nurse was very concerned my bp was kinda high. the way she talked she was a amazed i didn't just stroke out on a daily basis. i did promise to call my pcp and have her change my hbp meds immediately. which i did, and she did (yet i still have to pick them up LOL) there was also i nurse i saw there, that i know i had seen before at one of my many knee surgeries. i mean she was married but...tall, tan, incredible bone structure, high cheek bones, strong jaw line, glasses (the naughty librarian look) and a badunk-a-dunk. yes, you know the kind a pair of scrubs can't hide and that you NEVER forget. so, yeah, i definitely remember seeing her before. just more MOTIVATION to get in shape and get out on the open market again :^D

i get home, eat a #1 from micky d's and pass the f*ck out. i didn't wake up until the next morning. one part anesthesia and one part no coffee left me incapacitated from 1pm till 8am the next day. friday was rough in the morning trying to get up but about 1pm i was alert and glad i didn't call in. the main reason i didn't was because i knew there will be a day after my surgery that i will feel worse and have to use up my last sick day.

saturday i mostly slept and didn't turn on any electronics. today, i mostly i decided to clean my room. yes, it's an all day sort of thing. but i have to start somewhere. i took my weekly photo and i will let you know when i get a good photosharing link where i can limit access. either way i won't be releasing any photos until i see some measurable progress.

weight: 343.2 lbs

-badunk-a-dunk sugar mama searching dominator

bag o urine...

ok, it's been a while so let me catch up. tuesday i was on liquids until i realized i had to fast that night for my lab appt on wednesday. so i ate something solid. wednesday rolls around and i drive all the way to the "high-5" area for my appointment at 7:45am. i get there at 8 then have to wait until 8:45 to see an admin person to have me fill out a bunch of forms. then i'm waiting 30 more mins when she takes me to the back to another lady that hands me a cup and points at the restroom "one third please". sure, so i muster up some urine (made it a half to be sure) then put it in the specimen bag. and there i sit another 20 mins with my bag o urine until someone else takes me to get my blood drawn. now they take me to get an xray and you guessed it MORE WAITING. after another 15 mins of waiting i get my chest irradiated and get to go home. i had put in for a half day off so i had to be at work at 2pm. that said, eff the liquid diet that day cuz i had to fast again the next day.

thursday
my dad shows up at 6:45am to be at another appointment. this time they are knocking me out to shove a camera down my throat. an EGD is what they call it short for "esophagogastroduodenoscopy" yeah egd LOL... i'll share more about this and finish catching up tomorrow. right now i'm a little sleepy (have been all day) and i don't want to leave out some important bits.

till 'morrow

-bag o urine dominator

glub, glub...

started the liquid diet today. the shake was more filling that i thought it would be, but since i don't eat breakfast i might have to make myself drink one as soon as i get home and the last one before bedtime. i took the first of the "before" shots yesterday after my "last solid meal" for a while at pappadeauxs.

weight 347.8

it's not looking good for me making it through the night without eating something. my stomach is already grumbling and i just had the last shake #3 of the day. well, i'll let you know tomorrow. i know, i know, the liquid diet was prescribed for a reason :^(

-liquid dominator

freestyle eating...

i'm kinda freaking out...
the inevitability of it all is crashing in on me:
"I will have to change my diet FOREVER"
"I will NEVER be able to finish a Chapps burger again"
"I will ALWAYS have to pay attention to when and what i eat"
"This is the last weekend of freestyle eating EVER"

i wouldn't be doing my job as a blogger if i didn't share these feelings. i know the benefits will outweigh the negatives of lifestyle change but the reality is...my previous lifestyle led me to needing this surgery in the first place!!! i keep telling myself things will be ok but it's still a little overwhelming at times.

i still haven't cleaned out the fridge and pantry. i am slating that to go down tonight (for the third time LOL) i bought a professional grade tripod, mounted my CanonCyberShot to it, and put tape on the wall and floor...why??? for the before and after shots. i will start taking and posting pics every sunday from here on out.

how will i spend the last weekend freestyle eating??? Pappadeauxs on sunday with the fam, today, thai food, saturday (fridge leftovers LOL)

-gold medal freestyle eating dominator