so long favorite month...

mental breaks are going well. i have been resting better at night and drinking less coffee in the day. my only regret this year is that i didn't ride my mtn bike on dirt this month. i am still at 333 but i am doing some resistance work and eating at more regular time intervals. what i keep telling myself is that i can't expect things to resolve overnight. but i try to plant seeds everyday. that means do something today that will yeild results tomorrow and avoiding the opposite.

when i start a decent streak i will blog more often. but i will leave you with this.

i love april in texas so much that if i were a billionare and i had a house on every contenent i would spend april in texas.



-dominator


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almost there...

my biggest obsticle is a mental one. i have been struggling to move forward mentally but it hasn't been easy. i took 12 days off of work and the whole time my grandmother was in a coma so i didn't rest like i was planning to. a year ago this weekend i was on a getaway to proposed to my girlfriend. a year ago sunday i dropped to one knee and proposed. she said yes. i remember this like it was yesterday. that's my problem. i have too good of a memory. tomorrow with be the official day 4/27...

anyways, i figured it be good to get it out and help me move on. there are people that knew me before i met her and to those people i slowly declined into the 333lb lump of poo i am now. BUT... this is not me. i promise myself daily i will get back to where i was.

my number one focus point is mentally be where i am. i have for too long been stuffing down my emotions with food or other things. ENOUGH... i have been through some stuff and i must deal with it. i must FEEL it. so i am letting myself do that. i have given myself permission to feel things so i can sweep the deck clean and put a winning streak together. i will. right now NOTHING is taking priority over my mental health break NOTHING. i hope more positive things to say next time.

-dominator


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still here...

i am just trying to do something worthy of blogging about. right now i'm still recovering from the loss but i am way better than a week ago this time. i figure the best thing is not to rush into anything.

-dominator


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time to start a winning streak...

i will ride the trainer everyday (at least) and go the gym when i can most likely lunchtime.

-dominator


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tax day, and life accounting...

well, i don't know what to say. i feel like i've taken 3 giant steps backwards. this is all part of the righteous struggle to move forward in my life. i can tell you if i am not around 300 when IM CDA this year rolls around i won't sign up for next year. i would have to loose too much and try to train all at the same time and that didn't work last time. all's i can say now is we are where we are and we move forward from here.

-dominator


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time to move on...

the funeral is today. so hopefully i can put all these emotional things behind and start to get my life together. i have a plan and made preparations now i just have to execute. decide, commit succeed.

-dominator


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gone to be with the Lord...

RIP Grandmother

3/10/1927 - 4/9/2009

what's up...

well, just to clear the air a little. my grandmother had a heart attack on friday 3/27 and hasn't regained consiousness. as of today she is still out and not on life support. the doctors expected her to pass on a while ago but for now she's resting peacefully in hospital.

i started to think of what she'd want me to be doing with my life and she'd want me to get back to being me again. the only place other than work i have gone to has been mad duck and that is usually around lunch time so i can get away from the office for an hour.

the swag is coming back though. i am laughing more and unconsiously planning my day around workouts. i plan on going to the gym for lunch at least 3 days a week. we'll see how that goes. my new mantra has been "not if i don't feel like it". keep this one thing in mind: NOONE ever told me to ride my bike, learn how to swim, buy running shoes, eat the right foods or do up to three workouts a day!!! NOONE!!! i did it because i wanted to. or should i say... I HAD TO!!! that is just the way i'm put together. the fat slob that can't ride more than 3 days a week that i am now is NOT ME!!! the wise cracken cocky sometimes unintentional a55hole that dated 20 different girls in 20 weeks... (can't believe i did that) that's ME!!! the guy that got his dominator nickname by making the then best rider i knew get off of his bike and lay on the asphalt that's me. so yeah my mantra is not if i feel like it because i KNOW i will and if i don't that means i need to try and fix what's stopping me.

believe it or not i haven't touched an cadbury egg since i last said i was back last month. i will get my last four in this Easter sunday.

i haven't been to work since my grandmother went into the hospital. but i will start again this thursday. there are more things i will share in due time but i figured this is a start to getting back blogging again. take care all.

-dominator


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No April Fools...

i got soooo many people last year and had people that got emotional thinking i hurt myself so i decided not this year. one thing i can say is that april is my FAVORITE month. why april... april 1st 96 i became a Christian, the blue bonnets are out, the temps are best they will be all year in TX not too hot or cold, the morning air is fresh and clean and the grass is emerald green. mtn biking in april here could be my only reason for living... its not but its enough.

-dominator


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