just cuz it can, doesn't mean it should...

i haven't updated the blog in a while mostly because i haven't been eating that well nor working out. i'm not gaining nor losing weight which means i'm eating WAY TOO MUCH. i'm eating enough to maintain a 308 lb frame. that's WAY TOO MUCH. culprits include, egg nog, bacon cheese burgers, fried shrimp and the list goes on and on. you may be asking yourself, how is it all going down? the answer is SLOOOOWLY. just cuz your car can only drive 20mph doesn't mean you can't drive 3000 miles, it just means it takes longer. so you're sitting there looking at a double bacon cheese burger and you take a bite then in 5 mins take another and so on 'til it's gone. then repeat. you get the picture. why i'm i putting this out there? because part of the reason for the blog is to keep it real for those that are thinking of getting this life altering surgery.

my motivation has waned a lot. but i'm sure once we are on the other side of the holidays i'm sure i'll be better.

i'll keep this post short and post more often.

-eating it ALL (but shouldn't) dominator

donuts anyone...

(14 weeks post op) i swear i have severely fallen off the wagon. basically anything that fits in the gullet is what goes down. just NOT as much i used to. i haven't ridden in a week and i made a point NOT to ride over the holiday so i could rest. i'm sort of waiting for that tiger to come back out but i think it's because i was so used to waking up first thing in the morning and riding then. after work is just NOT happening. i don't even pretend like i'm going to. i know i will eventually snap out of it but for now i'm just trying to maintain.

oh well, i'm really not worried (yet anyways)

weight: 310.4 lbs

-donut dominator

i hate the cold...

(13 weeks post op) well, i made myself ride this weekend despite the crick in the neck (10 days now) and colder temps. i really just need a massage. i rode 30 on saturday and walked up ascension hill and did 20 on sunday and rode up it. i am feeling stronger, a lot stronger. my legs are starting to feel like stone (in a good way) and lungs are ready for me to start doing intervals. which i won't do because it's about the weight loss and not the fitness. before i start doing intervals i need to make sure i can ride long distances with minimal pain on the pressure points. only a pound lost again this week but considering the number of milky way i knocked down and not riding what do you expect. anyways, that's it for now.

weight 311.2 lbs

-cold hating dominator

forty el beez...

(11 weeks post op) ok, this was a bit of a slacker week. i only rode once, wednesday, and got a crick in my neck (still have it) and didn't do anything else. but the good news is that i crossed the 40 lbs mark on wednesday. there are a couple of things i'm going to concentrate on this week and diet being the main one. i need more veggies in my life so i'm going to make an effort to get them in. the main reason i hadn't up to this point was because my stomach hadn't gotten the full eight oz. now i think it's about 10oz so i have some "extra room". and at this point unless i'm going on a 30 mile ride AND going to work i don't "need" the calories of "high protein" foods.

on a personal note, i'm finding it more fulfilling to play Halo and watch movies than to go on a date. so i canceled one of the dates i had planned just to do NOTHING :) she seemed nice enough but my heart isn't into dating right now and i don't feel like wasting peoples time. there is only only one lady from match that i'm even halfway talking to at this point. and that's because she doesn't seem like she's in all that much of a hurry either.

why do i comment? it's because it's all related. how you feel affects the image you project in ALL aspects of your life. and while i have dedicated this blog to weight loss and training personal things are all apart of that too. don't worry i'm not going to start giving date play-by-play, but i wanted to share mostly because my brain is starting to consider dating again. all things in due time.

did you know LL Bean sells cycling tops? there are only a few cycling jackets that can fit me at this size, so when i find one i try to buy a couple. the place i got the first one was out (i bought the only one they had on clearance). and the mighty AMZ didn't have one in my size. so i searched all of google only to find it hiding at LL Bean :) BINGO!!! now this guy doesn't have an excuse not to ride after work :)

weight: 312.2 lbs

-negative 40 dominator

busted spoke...

(10 weeks post op) this weekend was pretty awesome as far as my riding was concerned. on saturday, i went the furthest averaged the fastest, and rode the longest and climbed the most. how is that all possible? i dunno but it happened. i kept looking at the garmin thinking i was in a tailwind or something.

quick story: there was this outta shape skinny roadie that passed me on the trail. i say outta shape because when i got into his slipstream i could hear him panting. probably thinking "i should be able to shake this fat guy" NOPE. when we were almost at the turn around (about 2 miles of me tailing him) he says "i should have known you're faster than you look. you're on a Moots" hahaha, yes. we were only going 20mph so it's not that impressive but for a fat guy getting back in shape it's awesome.

sunday i decided to take it easier. but i still rode 20 miles at mile 9 i started hearing something rattling when i got to mile 19 i finally stopped to see what it was...a busted spoke. this will keep happening because i'm big, i've been through this dance before. good thing today is an off day cuz mad duck doesn't open till tuesday.

weight: 313.4 lbs

-busted spoke dominator

ass dragon...

ass dragon as in "i dragged my ass" up a hill. ascension hill to be exact. this happened on saturday and sunday. saturday being exactly 2 months since my surgery i decided "it's going down" or rather "i'm going up".

i had been doing "one leggeds" in a HUGE gear on the flat land to help build up my hams and quads. this helped tremendously because dragging my 320lb FAT ASS up a 10% grade takes a lot of POWER. oddly enough it was that much easier to do the following day. that said, my legs were fried!!! i took yesterday off and i'm still contemplating taking today off as well.

i'm hella motivated these days and i've almost inspired myself LOL. 

-ass dragon dominator

count chocula...

(9 weeks post op) my chocolate cravings are getting the best of me. milky way are my downfall i swear :) keeping this short because there is not a lot of new info to report on. the main points are i'm incredibly hard to shop for as far as cold cycling gear is concerned. i drove to RBM in Richardson then to Pearl Izumi in Fort Worth both on saturday. i got some bib shorts from one and a thin thermal jacket from the other. bottom line, i can't wait till i lose weight so i can fit in some REAL cycling gear. real cycling gear as opposed to regular windbreakers or sweatshirts fit best. so i can't wait to be "normal sized" again. it is happening, just not fast enough :) btw. "Cloud Atlas" is a strange yet beautiful movie. saw it by myself yesterday. 

weight: 316.0 lbs

-count chocula dominator

cold weather gear...

the weather here has officially changed YAY!!! but now it'll be 40 degrees in the morning BOO!!! what shall i do???

i ordered a bunch of cold weather gear today. i'm not a "one" warm jacket kinda guy. i'm a "layers" kind of guy. so i use a regular jersey as my base, a long sleeve-t over that with a wind breaker cycling jacket over that. i find once the cotton of the t gets wet it forms a nice warm barrier that gets trapped between the wind breaker and the jersey. i've tried long sleeve jersey's but they let air in and don't maintain the warmth.

shoe covers, gloves, leg warmers and a cycling beanie round out the look. i HATE trainers so i'd rather gear up than sit on one of those things :^(

on a personal note. sometimes doing nothing is the hardest thing to do. i am trying VERY hard to not think about certain things/people and concentrate on things i can do to improve myself. if and when i ever meet miss right, there are things in my personal life that have to be in order. right now, i am setting this right. just a little frustrated at a certain situation in particular that i hoping will work itself out. a few of you know EXACTLY what i'm talking about :^D

-preparing for cold dominator

got that svelte feeling...

(8 weeks post op) i can pretty much eat whatever i want (obviously less of it) and i can drink as much i want. i think my body lets the water just pass through my stomach because i can drink more than 8oz unless there is something solid in there. that said i'm now integrating more veggies into my diet. i pretty much excluded them because they'd take too much space from energy giving protein. mixing in salsa with the eggs, mixing in celery and scallions into my tuna salad etc.

on the dating scene: i decided to end the match experiment and concentrate on me. i still think all online dating is a big time beat down. honestly when it comes to whoever will be mrs dominator i'll most likely meet her at the gym, pool or on a group ride or race.

i'm actually "feeling" thin which i hadn't really felt before. on the weight loss front dr. kim told me that some weeks even if you do everything right you won't lose weight. if you watch the biggest loser you'll know what i'm talking about. this week was a good.

weight: 317.4 lbs

-"feeling" svelte dominator

magic pill...

(7 weeks post op) there's this magic weight loss pill i'll give you but first you have to prove to me that you can be responsible for the new toned body you'll have overnight after taking it... so i want you to keep a thorough food diary of healthy foods and a list of your workouts for the next 6 months... yeah i know, but this pill is some GOOD stuff and it's magic so i'm not just going to give it to anyone... [6 months later a healthier more toned person shows up looking for my pill] then i say "there is no pill" after i get my ass beat (with their more toned body) they thank me...

weight: 319.8 lbs

-magic pill dominator

keep on movin'...

keep on movin', don't stop like the hands of time... can you name that tune??? anyways, the reason i haven't been posting as much is because i have been doing and not talking about what i want to do. but hey, i got you guys to start reading so i can't leave you hanging :)

so, lets see, i took my match profile down because i'm not feeling the "online bar scene" in all honesty, i think i'll meet more people i have in common by getting out there and doing the things i love: group rides, mtn. biking, and going to races and triathlons. i was warned NOT to weigh myself everyday but i do it anyway. 2.5 lbs a week is what i need to be averaging to stay on target, so that's what i shoot for. 

i've been cutting out the fat and avoiding carbs. here are the things that are CRAZY hard to get down: crackers, popcorn and bread. i LOVE popcorn so i'll just deal with the pain on some occasions. what happens? well, the food just get's stuck and starts causing heartburn. there is no analogy for people that haven't had the surgery. but lets just say it's uncomfortable.

i decided i'm going to sign up for IM CDA this june for the 2014 race. it's time to set things right!!! my soul has been stitched back together and is nice and healed, my mind is clear, my motivation is OFF THE CHARTS, the swag is getting there. swag should always be a trailing indicator of success anyways!!! got to do it, then do it WELL, then comes the swag of doing it!!!

-movin' dominator

30 ell beez...

well, for some reason i thought i had posted an update on the blog about my official totals. from when (i was supposed to) start the liquid diet on 7/31 i have lost 30lbs. that's kinda the funny part. i lost 10 lbs the first month, not on the liquid diet but showing some restraint. the next 10 were after the first week from the surgery and the last 10 were for the month following that.

dr. kim says i should expect 10 lbs lost a month for the next 3 months and it will taper to 8 the next 3 months and so on. the total goal is my weight at 222. my triathlon peak i was 225 so if i can get to 222 then that will be amazing!!! seeing as how i can only eat 6 oz at a time and have to wait 2 hours to eat again if i wanted there is only so much damage i can do. 

i'm either riding or doing weights every day. i am really starting to "tick over the pedals" on the bike now. my average mph has gone up 1mph every week. i started at 11mph over 7 miles to 13mph over 12. these numbers are that great but considering i had un-mothballed my bike after 18 months 2 weeks ago, it aint too bad. i know people have mentioned that i am being too hard on myself but i keep looking at where i was and that's where i want to be. i took a 4 year "fat vacation" i have always been athletic so my standards are higher. here's something kinda crazy. when i was at dr. kim's office and seeing the other fat people there, i thought of them as "you people". i'm not like "you people" i don't need food support groups. i just needed a jumpstart to get my life back and it has so far succeeded. don't get me wrong, i applaud anyone trying to improve their situation. i just don't consider myself one of them. i'm not saying that's a good thing either. it's just how i think of things. more to come later.

-shrinking dominator

taunting me...

(5 weeks post op) i am tauntingly close to 20 lbs lost. the only reason i care this much today is because tomorrow is my official one month checkup. so excluding that first week (on the edge of death 180 cals a day) i have only lost 8lbs. i'm ok with that now, because as long as the needle keeps moving in that direction i'm fine. 

to that end i bought a bunch of healthier option foods. i made some bunless turkey burgers on the grill last night (sliders of course LOL). btw that was the first time the grill was fired up since july 4th 2011. man that shit was good. i bought more albacore tuna (way better for you than chunk white), bought some low fat cheese and made my world famous "chipotle" omelette (more like scrambled eggs. it's scrambled eggs with chicken from the chipotle restaurant mixed in. i made it for breakfast for the week. those 1 cup containers are life savers for making lunches and breakfasts (i guess dinners too). they are the perfect meal size for me (or anyone really) and it lets me not waste food and give myself a variety of options. you can have 5 different meal options in a small space. like i have oatmeal, chili, sushi roll, chicken salad, scrambled eggs, turkey burger and tuna salad.

yesterday i had steak for the first time at a birthday party. yeah, most of it got packed up and put in the fridge, but it was awesome. oh well, it's monday. brought to you by the makers of, bugs on the windshield, screaming babies in movie theaters, hair in your soup and gum on your shoe.

weight 325.2 lbs

-taunted dominator

the weather channel...

this is one of those things that i could never really understand before. back even before i decided to do triathlons in 2004 and around the time i started mountain biking in 2000, waking up to the weather channel was my FAVORITE thing. i remember telling my mountain biking girlfriend about it at the time and her thinking it was kinda weird but cute. well, at some point during me and fiancee's relationship i stopped watching the weather channel. in fact i couldn't recall WHY i liked it or what feelings it gave me that i wanted to in the first place. i'd be like "i remember liking this but for the life of me i don't know why"

yesterday morning i remembered. more importantly i felt like i did back then. i'm sure by now you figured out why i watched it and why i stopped. it's simple. i was a mountain biker first and a triathlete second. both of those activities are shaped by what the weather will be like that day. so watching the weather channel was my way of figuring out what my day was going to look like. was it going to be a rest day, gym workout day, open water swim, pool swim etc. people with active outdoor lifestyles watch the weather!!! plain and simple, if you're unconcerned about the weather, you don't have an active outdoor lifestyle.

i'm saying this as further proof that the inside me is back to 2004 but the outside me is fat and outta shape. as long as the inside me is back the outside will shape itself to fit in time.

-twc dominator

riding more...

in one week i went from not riding since 2/2011 to riding 10 miles. not bad, but not close to satisfied either. my brain and body are wired for competition. my brain knows what i'm capable of when i lose the weight. my body, as of now, isn't really cooperating. i try to only weigh myself once a week but it looks like another week where i don't lose much. i'm riding more and eating less junk than i did last week but i'm still eating too much fat.

that said, i have replaced all the items i could with their low fat counterparts. examples are turkey sausage, egg whites, low fat cheese etc. i have started to pack my lunches in the 1 cup size containers. this really helps portion control seeing as how it's the size of my stomach. friday i could start having raw veggies and solid meat. so i had thai spring rolls for dinner last night. one my absolute favorites. i plan on having steak at some point this weekend too. well "some" steak LOL...

i got a new toy, my garmin forerunner 910xt... i love it. plus it motivates me to workout more. my arms hurt big time after the dumbbell workout so i haven't done weights since last sunday. now that i'm healed, AND it's supposed to rain today, i'll be doing weights today. my journey's not a sprint but a marathon...

-dominator

just a pound...

(4 weeks post op) only a pound?!? yes, only a pound. this is no surprise to me at this point because i know what i've been shoving down my gullet. mostly healthy stuff but enough (15% or so) of "off the reservation" foods. again, i aint gonna get into specifics. this hammers home the point that you really need to ingest quality foods and get close to full on them. that way you won't feel hungry. i recall one of the required classes talked about how people got into trouble not eating enough. since your stomach is only 1 cup/8 oz then filling it with a can of tuna is a good thing!!! at it will prevent you from feeling hungry later. really it's just a matter of how much protein you're eating on how satisfied you feel. or at least it is for me.

on the workout front, off day today (or go swim if i can't stop myself). the nether regions need to get used to riding again so that's the reason for me not even doing a slow ride today. we'll just leave it at that LOL. other than that everything seems to going well.

weight 327.2 lbs...

-uno pound dominator

dominator rides, again and again...

first ride since feb 2011... well, as expected my ass hurts LOL. but i honestly feel better than i thought i would. and since i haven't taken any pain meds in 3 weeks my endorphins are kicking in making me WANT to ride.

i rode yesterday for a short 3 miles around the neighborhood. why so short? well i wanted to be able to work out any mechanical issues so i didn't want to go too far. also, it was mostly for me to gauge how my body would feel afterwards. so how did it feel???

i rode today for 7 miles at river legacy. it was all flat but i wanted to get used to "putting in some saddle time". my kuat bike rack makes it super quick to load up the bike and drive down there. it's only 1.8 miles but there is a 10% grade hill between me and there. which i haven't been able to climb on my road bike since i crossed the 300lbs mark (not on any bike since 315lbs). 

i'll post my official one month weight tomorrow. it's not going to be all that impressive mostly because i haven't been the best eater the last week. i can eat just about anything now and have been doing just a little bit too much "testing". however, my rides have felt great because i have enough calories to make it through. i am also doing weights 3 times a week to re-build my muscle mass i lost over the last 6 years. i'll be holding off on the swimming for a while. in fact i probably won't start that until january when i start seriously training for my tri in march... oh, did mention i'll be doing a tri in march??? i guess i just did.

-on the road again dominator

gettin my swole on...

i did put the bike rack on the car but i haven't used it yet. i was seriously thinking about starting with weights at the gym because it reduces the amount contact pressure i feel. then i realized i have those clicky bowflex dumbbell thingys. you know the adjustable weight kind. AND i have a bench, a nice one, so i just decided to try that. so i woke up at 4:45am, like i do every morning these days, cleaned up the den enough to assemble a "make-shift" gym. then proceeded to do some reps. just arms for now so i can limit the pain to one body part at a time.

why weights first? contact pressure. it's the pressure you feel at your contact points with surfaces holding you up against gravity. for a bike that is your hands, feet, and saddle area. trying to make it through a work day with that stuff hurting is no fun. AT ALL. so i decided to limit the pain to stuff that will go away after you get in shape. muscle pain vs joint pain.

one more important realization i made yesterday. now that my internals are feeling a whole lot better and i'm eating "solid-like" food. i can see how people gain the weight back. the stomach is smaller so what these guys are doing is filling it full of crap, waiting a little while, then more crap. this will not be ME. i had some fries the other day (like 10 of them) and honestly i have no idea why i liked them before. this just proves to me the longer you're off the crap food the less you crave it. but like any addict, all it takes is for you to keep doing it and you're right back where you started.

-all swole dominator

time to sweat...

(3 weeks post op) getting closer to working out. the biggest thing for me is making sure i don't work out until i eat solid food. mostly because advil, which i'll need, goes down better when there's food in your tummy. also, i'm able to drink 5oz of water at time with no problems. this is the more important thing. being able able to properly hydrate is crucial to not hurting yourself cuz it cuts down on cramping and pulled muscles. 

i am leaning towards the bike being the first thing. even though the pool is only a 7 min drive, you have to gear up, drive, swim, change, then drive and shower. i'd rather just gear up then ride from my house or drive 5 mins to bike path. i'm putting the bike rack back on today. stay tuned.

-ready to sweat dominator

shrinkage...

(20 days post op) yesterday i went to Dick's to buy some new shorts. why? because my old ones are too loose. on monday i can have eggs, oatmeal and tuna so i decided to do that starting yesterday LOL. had a busy day that started with an americana (coffee) and ended at 2am LOL. i went to walmart to buy new food, then to the eye dr. then hung out at the Duck and ate some huevos rancheros. went shopping with my dad for some stuff at gnc, then headed out to dicks that night. i haven't been that productive on a saturday in years.

i guess the weight is coming off at a decent rate but i won't be happy or even satisfied until i'm sub 300.

weight 328.2lbs (almost 17lbs lost)

-dominator

context is king...

the back story: i was leaving for lunch yesterday when i saw 2 guys coming back from wendys. they both had 32oz drinks and a bag of food. i thought to myself it would take me almost 2 hours to tackle the drink alone, not to mention whatever "deep fried easy" was in the bag. so lets just say 4 hours total to make it through what they'll down in 30mins tops. just suck on that for a minute.

without the surgery i have NO IDEA how i would ever be able to see how poor the quality/quantity of food was. it's all just white noise, eat this, don't eat that. with only about 5oz of space i have now and with 30 to 45 mins for that to pass through, you REALLY evaluate everything you swallow. the surgery was a life saver in more than one way. to think i make through my day eating about 700 calories and don't feel hungry or tired is CRAZYTOWN.

with 700 calories but packed with protein is how that's possible. it's about the quality of the food not the quantity if you want to have energy and not feel hungry. trust me on this. the main point is "context is king". 

if you don't have context it's hard for things to resonate. on that note, i started eating a little solid food. still not going to share because it's against dr's orders.  i'll be shopping for things to eat today. i don't think i mentioned this before but i drink water constantly ALL DAY. since you can't just down a bottle of water whenever you feel like it you have to keep drinking all day. it seems like a lot of work but honestly it's a lifestyle change. without the surgery you'd have to do things drastic like this to make an immediate change in your health. it's brave new world kinda stuff.

-in context dominator

work pains...

right now the biggest thing is PAIN. because i'm fat (for the moment) gravity is reeking havoc on my lower body. knees, ankles, feet, quads, calves just throb when i get home. i'm not supposed to take nsaids like advil but i'm limiting it to once a day to sleep. i haven't taken a prescription anything in two weeks, and my brain is the benefactor. the guy that trained for ironmen is back wondering what happened the last six years and why he's so fat. i keep reminding that guy, he'll get his body back but it will be slow and steady.

which brings me to my next point. swimming. i think i'll start swimming again next weekend. until my scabs are gone i can't go swimming. i think when they are gone i'll start. it's zero impact and it will help strengthen my body which is incredibly weak. good news is that it's only 2 days till the weekend. i cannot wait.

-workin 4 the weekend dominator

my lil buddy...

i just realized i never talk about the thing that requires my attention everyday, my lil buddy Griffen. himz is my kitty kat. i named him after my tri bike, which i loved so much i named my cat after it. so i have a walking, meowing, reason to get back into triathlons again.

i griff griff was born somewhere around cinco de mayo in 2008 so i just call it himz birthday. he's a ragamuffin kitty which means he really likes people. only problem is unless i trick him into meeting you, he'll hide. that's my fault, for not socializing him sooner. the benefit though is when i take him places he'll just sit in his carrier and look at everyone around him. he never tries to leave, and he lets anybody pet him as long as he doesn't have to leave the carrier.

he was sort of a gift from my ex when we lived together. but honestly i think she got him to be a friend to her cat. he gravitated to me and followed my voice around the house. he didn't with her even though we both fed him and played with him. so when she booked she asked if she could have him. my response "fuck no, he's MY cat" and for the first time in my entire life i realized i loved an animal. i mean really loved him. i had pets growing up but i always treated them like toys i had to feed and clean up after. but griffen was different. lucky for me, because he helped me though some tough times.

you get home and these crystal blue eyes are looking at you like you're the most important person in the world. it makes your day better for sure.

-kat daddy dominator

already been said...

more and more i feel like it's time to act. enough talking. however, my body is saying something different. "slow yo roll" so, that's what i'll keep telling myself.

-nuff said dominator

back to the future...

(2 weeks post op) unless you knew me in 2006 (when my profile pic was taken), then you have NO IDEA, who i am now. my brain chemistry is completely different. i mean, the things that were important to me just a month ago, don't mean anything to me now. i was preoccupied with things that basically kept me busy but not really accomplished anything. i didn't want to ride, workout or even stand for that matter. now i have a crazy amount of energy in comparison. i have to keep telling myself i was operating at 50% capacity before (only with the help of meds) and now i'm at about 70% with NO MEDS.

i'm back to work, which is going ok. i'm not hungry, and have been sipping on water throughout the morning. i think i will sleep well tonight.

one thing i keep thinking when i see someone that is obese (like the lady i saw in the elevator this morning) is... "why don't you get the surgery too" life as a fat person is not that joy filled. there is no excuse for it. being fat is a self-control and emotional issue, plain and simple. knock those both out with the surgery. you can't overeat ever again no matter what the reason!!! your life will be shortened if you keep killing yourself slowly by overeating. yes, your stomach will be smaller, and you'll have to forever change the way you eat, but............ISN'T THAT THE F*CKIN POINT....... you're eating yourself to death!!!

obesity is a "modern society" problem, and bariatric surgery is a "modern society solution to a modern society problem". it's philosophically a no-brainer. the awesome thing about me having the surgery and someone with "will power" is that i come out ahead in the long run, every time. will power only works if you have the will. i have the "power" irrespective of will. my body will fill full with only 6oz of food, not for mr. will power. my body produces far less hunger hormones, not for mr. will power. it's not possible for me to overeat PERIOD, i win, you lose, thanks for playing.

what's the point in all this? it's that, for an obese person, the surgery is a life saver. bottom line. part of the reason for me blogging about all this is because i want people that may be thinking about getting it, to hear a first hand account. yes, that first night was the worst i have felt EVER in my entire life, but it's in the past now. consider it labor pains for the new me. and right now, oh so worth it.

weight 329.8 lbs 

-back to the future dominator

choke a dragon...

i feel like i can choke a dragon dragon with my bare hands. this is insane, the amount of energy i'm waking up with. ok, one of my secret weapons is nutella.  i'm not supposed to have something with that much fat, but it's tasty and kills any and every craving for something sweet.

i want to ride BADLY... but, i won't until i can take advil again. i can't do that until, solid food, so it will be a month. which is good cuz once i can, i'll be unstoppable. i haven't felt this good in the morning (with no caffeine) in probably 5 years? 

the surgery pain only bothers me when i sneeze or blow my nose. it hurts a lot when i bend over to my left side to put my socks on or tie my shoe too. the nurse said they put a mesh over where they did the surgery to prevent a hernia and that would cause some discomfort for a while. i'm dealing with it all with absolutely no drugs, not even a tylenol. so, it hurts, but not all the time.

-dragon choking dominator

ENN-ERR-GIZZZZZED...

omg, i have no idea where all this energy is coming from? well, i kinda know. let's just say this is a "natural" feeling i haven't had in while. i practically leaped outta bed this morning with no help from coffee, which itself, is kinda new. i haven't had a nap or even felt sleepy. this must be what "normal" feels like LOL. those that saw me today were like "you look like the best i've seen you in years" well, i guess when you feel good you look good too. 

my brain is racing with "the future" and possibilities. i was like "i should be a cycling coach" i love helping people and i love cycling, soooo??? i don't know if i will but who knows what i'll do once i start getting back in shape again.

video game players know this concept of "leveling up your character" i feel like i had to "level up" gain weight, to acquire the "tool" surgery, so when i level back down i'll be unstoppable because i'm wielding a tool only meant for higher level players. if you've never played a RPG i've probably completely lost you in the analogy. the point is this: you can't get the surgery unless you're obese. but after you have the surgery, you have this tool to lose weight that no one else has. and it's ONE HELL OF A TOOL. i'm imagining not being able to sabotage my success just because your "fiancee amputated your soul".

add to that, a certain friend of mine cajoled me into "checking out the field" on match. this is a crazy day. for realz though, i am NOT about to starting paying to contact potential dates. because i'm not really myself yet. i mean i can't even have solid food until october. i can see it now, me at dinner with pretty lady and she orders her food, and i'm like "i'll just have the iced tea" LOL. don't think so :) but it was kinda cool to see who's out there. there are A LOT of people "looking". something i know that most of those people on match, or in life for that matter don't know. and is this, relationships are hard, they take work, and they are built with mutual trust and caring. looks, and likes, and favorites have VERY little to do with a relationship succeeding. even if there is a spark, it has to be kindled slowly over time and this takes work and a selflessness that many people just aren't mature enough to give.

that's my soapbox on that.

-energized dominator

everyday better than last...

i have resisted the urge to drink coffee. this is important because of the things i consumed on an everyday basis for years is coffee. i love it. but, i can see everyday me having more energy than the last without it. i know i will drink it again, but i think i'll wait until i start eating solid food (4 weeks from today)

now, i've been sending "testers" down the gullet every day. so to say i've not had ANY solid food wouldn't be truthful. i'm not eating steak or burgers and i won't tell you exactly what it is for fear you'll go against dr. orders and try it too. lets just say, i'm living with the failures of my "experiments" and the successes LOL... 

i'm envisioning me riding before work again, which i LOVED to do. and envisioning doing lots of other things i liked to do.

-envisioning dominator

no shortcuts only trade-offs...

(1 week 2 days post op) because this is a public website and anyone can read it (current/future employers) there some things i simply can't/won't talk about. which is why i haven't posted anything the last few days. some of you know what i'm talking about and others will never know. don't worry, i'll get back to regular updates soon enough.

332.8 lbs

-no more short cuts dominator

vita-mix = life saver...

(5 days post op) as i LITERALLY crawled out of bed this morning after only consuming a total of 350 calories the last 2 days. i decided to move up my "opaque" liquid consumption from monday to today. this decision, quite literally, improved my life. why only 350 calories? because it's all i could do to swallow without it causing my stomach to ache. so, i avoided swallowing anything. yes, i know i have to eat to live but if you know, without question that swallowing will cause you pain, you'll stop.

this morning i got the idea that when the blender arrived, i would take a can of soup and blend the shit out of it and try to sip it down. well, that's exactly what i did. sip, sip, sip and little pain. oh my god, that was a game changer. i think i have officially turned the corner and my spirits are a lot better.

-vita mixing dominator

blender me this batman...

(4 days post op) monday is the day i start drinking "thick" liquids. this means smoothies and protein shakes. but more importantly it means ENERGY!!! i can't go back to work until i can stay awake and walk around all day. i can't do that until i shove enough protein down my gullet to keep me going all day. i'm doing a WHOLE lot better than i was on tuesday when i came home but it's still touch and go. i haven't puked since wednesday, which means i'm getting better on how much i can swallow at one time. as of today 1.5 ounces is MAX. leave it to an engineer to figure this shizzle out. i am ON IT. so right now it's 1.5 oz every 15 minutes. again this is clear fluids only. nothing milky just clear. so that means, shots of chicken broth, isopure, iced tea and water. mix in a stick of gum for dinner (so i can get that need to chew outta me) and that's it. 

so i decided on the "Vitamix 1709 CIA Professional Series" blender. after hearing from y'all, and doing my own research what it came down to, was consistency of the fluid. this will be my external stomach for the next couple of months so it has to get chunks down to extremely small pieces with a consistency as silky as possible. only the professional grade blenders with removable blades came close to this in the reviews. unfortunately i couldn't go cheap here. 

to recap the last few days since surgery, it's like having a permanent tummy ache, with gas, and diarrhea. not pleasant, but considering they sliced off and threw away 75% of my stomach not too bad of a trade off. now, lets see how well i can liquify a big mac LOL.

-blender bending dominator

liquid vike-o-din...

(3 days post op) that stuff is a life changer for sure. i'm able to get up and move around. and almost feel completely normal. right now my biggest issue is ENERGY and severe gas pain. any and everything i swallow causes gas. water, isopure (protein drink) or broth and i puff out like a marshmallow. i've tried the anti gas medicine but it only helps a little. one thing i can tell you, following the liquid diet is the easiest part of it all. if swallowing water causes gas do you even want to imagine what a chicken nugget might do?!? HELLZ NO!!!

so far so good. and i'm only able to write this cuz of the liquid vikes!!! praise be to the liquid vike gods LOL. but seriously i am feeling amazingly well considering they laproscopically removed 75% of my stomach. my skin is covered in a thick oilly substance. my guess is it's my bodies way to release toxins. i think that is what is driving Griffen crazy. he knows it's daddy but i don't "smell" like daddy so he's been acting crazy. if i wash my hands really well he'll let me pet him but when he gets to my face. he has this "who the hell are you" look and runs away. oh, well, time to shut her down. and thanx for all your prayers, keep them coming. i know they are helping. 

-liquid vike-o-din dominator

36 hours after...

man, i'll get into the details of the worst night of my life some other time. i can say i feel much better 36 hours later. my dad took all my stuff with him when he left. no phone, computer, but i was in so much pain i didn't even watch tv. but i'm home now and i won't be bothered by those gawdamned nurses. i even yelled at them (not their fault) i know but i had to let them know how i was feeling so they'd at least leave me alone a while.

-at home dominator

8 hours to go...

well, i'm downing a big glass of gatorade to stay hydrated. cuz no more food or drink till TUESDAY!!! going to ATTEMPT to go to sleep now, so i can wake up at 3:00 am and get ready to go to the hospital.

-dominator

12 hours to go...

got all my supplies shopped for, and deciding to eat some what-a-burger (yeah, yeah, yeah i know) but hey, won't be able to get it down for a LONG time after so what the heck. i am thinking once i'm in inpatient i won't have an IV. which means NO fluids and dry mouth. when i come to, i'll have the mac book so i'll be letting you guys know what's what. drinking a lot today to try and stay hydrated.

-dominator

15 hours to go...

"before" pics all taken, and compiling list of things to take with me to hospital. ipad, check, mac book, check, phone, check, chargers, check etc... i do have to go to the store and pick up some gas-x strips and liquid tylenol to take with me. this will be fun (NOT). there's going to be lots of gas and diarrhea in my future. it simply can't be helped, and it will suck, and i'm dreading it.

-dominator

2 days to go...

48 hours from now i will most likely be in the recovery room and i will have 75% less stomach. and i'm praying i'll be well with no complications. my state of mind right now is "lets do this" i'm ready. i did all the research, went to all the classes, and dr. appointments, and tests. all i have to do is show up at the hospital at 4 am monday for my 5:30 am surgery. i'll post more about my state of mind later today.

-48 hour dominator

my take on windows 8...

a brief break from surgery talk. i installed win 8 on my work and home pc and someone asked me my take:

i love it enough that i installed it on BOTH computers i use the most... at work the rule is "as long as it doesn't stop (prevent or slow down) productivity" they don't care. we're developers, so they know we'll be curious and install beta's of things and be early adopters. and they want us to because they'll benefit in the long run. that said, a group of us bit the bullet and just upgraded to see what's going on.

after 1 hour of use i decided to upgrade my main computer at home. the one i use more than any other. so if i'm going to make the 2 computers i use the most win 8 that should tell you i really like it. my laptop is faster (mostly i think of clean install) but i'm learning all the new keys and actions to do things. the UI is smooth like a smart phone and the apps that are written for "metro style" are super sweet. think iPad but your entire computer. and to switch from "metro" to "classic" is a matter of moving your mouse to a corner of the screen and clicking.

as i'm typing this i'm using google chrome in "classic" mode. most of the time at work i'm in that mode too. if the average user stays in that mode like me they'll be all like "i don't get why i needed to upgrade" other than it being smoother. but i think after developers start building more "metro style" apps. build enough to where a person doesn't have to use classic mode for anything, then people will REALLY like it. that is going to take 3 years at least, which means a lot of people and companies are going to hang on to windows 7 like they did with xp.

-win 8 dominator

Tony Scott and the scars of depression...

you must read this... this hits home very hard... people ask me often what happened that my personality changed and i stopped doing the things that gave me joy and disappeared from my friends lives... SEVERE PROLONGED DEPRESSION only with professional help was i able to come out on the other side... although the scars of depression are hard to see sometimes, in my case, they are easy. before my ex left i was a hefty but stable 265lbs, only 40 lbs off my best weight and only 20lbs off my competitive weight. after 3 months i was 315 and after 7 months i was 365. i've hovered between 365 and 335 for the last 4 years. 367 was the most i weighed and during the last 4 years 327 was the lightest i got before the pain of working out overwhelmed me.

please read the article, the pain of severe depression is unimaginable for someone who has never gone through it. and for people say "just get over her" or "snap out of it" can't see your soul lopped in half and bleeding all over the place. if they could visually see how you felt they would never say dumb shit like that and would trying to take your ass to a hospital emergency room. I AM BEING REALLY FUCKING SERIOUS ABOUT THAT LAST POINT. really, they would stop their lives and help you. in my case i had to get a professional counselor and after 5 months (yes, 5 months) i recovered enough not to go anymore.

the good news is that i am now getting a surgery to help me remove that scar and more importantly MOVE THE FUCK ON with my life. i hope you all read the article and understand a little about depression you may not have known.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/21/health/raison-suicide-tony-scott/index.html

-depression survivor dominator

philosophically easy, difficult in practice...

ME:
t-minus 5 days and counting... tick-tock
ME:
i'm too freaked out to see the other side...but i am starting too a little bit  
Person:
Nothing to be freaked out about. It's the right decision. It was never going to be easy, and you knew that. It's gonna suck for a while, but there's a whole lot about how your life is going NOW that you think sucks and that you wanna fix. So...it's pretty binary: fix it, or stay unhappy. Right? So... philosophically easy, difficult in practice. Means it's probably a good call.
Person:
Like we said yesterday: sit back and enjoy the ride.
Person:
Kinda like skydiving the first time: stepping off the aircraft is the hard part, after that? What's gonna happen is what's gonna happen, might as well relax!
ME:
LOL i like that :)

-difficult in practice dominator

liquid diet...

less freaked out this morning. i am just being honest here and i don't recommend this but... i haven't been following the liquid diet. if i didn't have to stop taking pain meds (of any kind) stop taking supplements (to sleep or wake up) and or didn't have to maintain a 9-5 job then sure i could do a liquid diet. if that was the only change i'd have to endure for the next 3 weeks it wouldn't be that big of a deal and i am sure i'd be able to cope. but that's NOT what's going on. so why do they want you on a liquid diet?

3 reasons: 

#1 most important for them liver shrinkage. your liver produces less bile (used for breaking down foods) if it's only liquids and this decrease means decrease in size (less fatty) this is important for mechanical reasons. your liver is in front of your stomach so the smaller it is the easier it is for them to do the surgery. the easier for them the faster they are the less time for complications.

#2 next important for them was reducing girth around the mid-section. again a mechanical thing. easier, faster, less complications.

#3 most important for me. since you'll have to be on a liquid diet for 3 weeks after the surgery (no choice here) you'd BETTER get used to it!!! as for this reason i will deal with it. you'll have scars and swollen stomach to remind you "don't you dare eat solid food" 

i liken this liquid diet scenario to telling a crack addict "hey, we'll give you a surgery to not want crack but you have to go 3 weeks without it, Good luck" WTF?!?

so why make you do it at all? well, it's being cautious. if you know things that will make the surgery go smoother, then by all means advise them to do it. and hey, if you don't follow it to the letter, at least you'll feel guilty and follow it some. which is what i'm doing. i will say this weekend i will be on the liquid diet all weekend no exceptions.

-less freaked out dominator

greatness is...

to those that think, i'm brave, awesome, amazing or inspiring... i'm here to tell you that i'm scared shitless more than you know... what makes someone great is being scared and doing what needs to be done anyway...

-dominator

scared outta my mind...

ok, the reason i haven't posted the last week is that i've been really freaking out. i mean, this is a permanent, no going back kinda thing. i can't see the good on the other side at this point because i keep thinking of the short term discomfort and the changes i'll have to go through. you know all the unpleasant gastro effects: gas, bloating, diarrhea etc. these things should be short term but they are real. i have lived life this way for so long that it's hard thinking about how life other than this will be.

weight 241.6 

-freaked out dominator

badunk-a-dunk nurse...

so the day of the "egd" started with me fasting, yet again. that said, the liquid diet was not happening. i got a chance to meet a few other of dr kim's patients while i was there. they seemed to have the same kind of feeling i had. a little excited, a little scared, but optimistic. dr. holden was the doc preforming the egd. exactly the kind of "sugar mama" i'd like to meet and marry someday. you know, the cute, highly intelligent and successful type :^D

after the egd dr. holden let me know i have a hiatal hernia. she also said she'd fix that during the gastric sleeve procedure. a "2-for-1" kinda deal. she said it was a go for the surgery. the recovery nurse was very concerned my bp was kinda high. the way she talked she was a amazed i didn't just stroke out on a daily basis. i did promise to call my pcp and have her change my hbp meds immediately. which i did, and she did (yet i still have to pick them up LOL) there was also i nurse i saw there, that i know i had seen before at one of my many knee surgeries. i mean she was married but...tall, tan, incredible bone structure, high cheek bones, strong jaw line, glasses (the naughty librarian look) and a badunk-a-dunk. yes, you know the kind a pair of scrubs can't hide and that you NEVER forget. so, yeah, i definitely remember seeing her before. just more MOTIVATION to get in shape and get out on the open market again :^D

i get home, eat a #1 from micky d's and pass the f*ck out. i didn't wake up until the next morning. one part anesthesia and one part no coffee left me incapacitated from 1pm till 8am the next day. friday was rough in the morning trying to get up but about 1pm i was alert and glad i didn't call in. the main reason i didn't was because i knew there will be a day after my surgery that i will feel worse and have to use up my last sick day.

saturday i mostly slept and didn't turn on any electronics. today, i mostly i decided to clean my room. yes, it's an all day sort of thing. but i have to start somewhere. i took my weekly photo and i will let you know when i get a good photosharing link where i can limit access. either way i won't be releasing any photos until i see some measurable progress.

weight: 343.2 lbs

-badunk-a-dunk sugar mama searching dominator

bag o urine...

ok, it's been a while so let me catch up. tuesday i was on liquids until i realized i had to fast that night for my lab appt on wednesday. so i ate something solid. wednesday rolls around and i drive all the way to the "high-5" area for my appointment at 7:45am. i get there at 8 then have to wait until 8:45 to see an admin person to have me fill out a bunch of forms. then i'm waiting 30 more mins when she takes me to the back to another lady that hands me a cup and points at the restroom "one third please". sure, so i muster up some urine (made it a half to be sure) then put it in the specimen bag. and there i sit another 20 mins with my bag o urine until someone else takes me to get my blood drawn. now they take me to get an xray and you guessed it MORE WAITING. after another 15 mins of waiting i get my chest irradiated and get to go home. i had put in for a half day off so i had to be at work at 2pm. that said, eff the liquid diet that day cuz i had to fast again the next day.

thursday
my dad shows up at 6:45am to be at another appointment. this time they are knocking me out to shove a camera down my throat. an EGD is what they call it short for "esophagogastroduodenoscopy" yeah egd LOL... i'll share more about this and finish catching up tomorrow. right now i'm a little sleepy (have been all day) and i don't want to leave out some important bits.

till 'morrow

-bag o urine dominator

glub, glub...

started the liquid diet today. the shake was more filling that i thought it would be, but since i don't eat breakfast i might have to make myself drink one as soon as i get home and the last one before bedtime. i took the first of the "before" shots yesterday after my "last solid meal" for a while at pappadeauxs.

weight 347.8

it's not looking good for me making it through the night without eating something. my stomach is already grumbling and i just had the last shake #3 of the day. well, i'll let you know tomorrow. i know, i know, the liquid diet was prescribed for a reason :^(

-liquid dominator

freestyle eating...

i'm kinda freaking out...
the inevitability of it all is crashing in on me:
"I will have to change my diet FOREVER"
"I will NEVER be able to finish a Chapps burger again"
"I will ALWAYS have to pay attention to when and what i eat"
"This is the last weekend of freestyle eating EVER"

i wouldn't be doing my job as a blogger if i didn't share these feelings. i know the benefits will outweigh the negatives of lifestyle change but the reality is...my previous lifestyle led me to needing this surgery in the first place!!! i keep telling myself things will be ok but it's still a little overwhelming at times.

i still haven't cleaned out the fridge and pantry. i am slating that to go down tonight (for the third time LOL) i bought a professional grade tripod, mounted my CanonCyberShot to it, and put tape on the wall and floor...why??? for the before and after shots. i will start taking and posting pics every sunday from here on out.

how will i spend the last weekend freestyle eating??? Pappadeauxs on sunday with the fam, today, thai food, saturday (fridge leftovers LOL)

-gold medal freestyle eating dominator

3 for 1...

so today i had 3 (yes 3) dr. appointments in one day. a Dr. Kim car wash if you will. the first part of it was the stress test, then on to "Bariatric University" class, wrapping up with a physical.

Stress Test

this sucked to say the least. basically they are trying to find out what your heart and lungs do under stress to gauge how healthy you are and what risk potential there may be before going into surgery. keep in mind bariatric surgery is for clinically OBESE patients who aren't in the best shape. they aren't all recovering triathletes like yours truly. so this test is helpful. it was on a bike that increased wattage 5 watts every 10 seconds until you quit. i topped out at about 190 watts and 8 mins duration. i am WAY outta shape and mostly had to quit because of the tendinitis in my right knee. maintaining a cadence of 60 or higher wasn't the easiest thing i've ever done. i quit after i started seeing black dots. honestly the worst part of it was the hard ass seat they have you sit on. i even wore cycling shorts with a chamois and it still hurt. the second half of the test were breathing tests. they stick a tube in your mouth with nose clips and have you breath normal, hyper-ventilate, take a deep breath and hold, inhale as fast as you can and exhale as fast as you can. this part of the test was just boring. but seeing the charts of your breathing was kinda cool.


Bariatric U.

this class was all about "what to expect" before and after your surgery. i will scan and post the pdf to this when i get home. i feel it's helpful because it "lays it all out" EXACTLY what to expect. trust me when i tell you, the more information you have about something, the least surprised you are and the less worried or freaked out you'll be. we got to taste the pre-op liquid diet shakes we have to be on. and order the ones we "like" <-like is in quotes here. i used to have those advocare meal replacement shakes and some of them tasted like those so those are the ones i went with. again i will post a picture of the shakes and the nutrition info.

The Physical

thank goodness this was quick. the only thing that came from this meeting is that i need to switch my HBP meds to something different because it will interfere with the liquid diet. they took my hr and blood pressure. and i took a questionare about my med history. it was all over in 8 minutes. YAY!!! 

and that's all i have to say about that...

-three for one dominator

let's try that again...

well, i can't tell you what the purge was like because...i fell asleep and didn't get around to it. what i can tell you is that is going down this weekend. i'll be taking the non-perishable food to the salvation army. and the rest is "ant food". things at work have picked up a little bit so my work-days are flying by. when i get home i just eat and crash, which all adds up to quicker days. 


i am starting to visualize me dating again, working out again, and cooking. starting to think about the fall chill in the air as i ride my bike again. thinking about the smell of the trees at river legacy, and me saying to hi to the raccoons, skunks, bobcats and owls out in the park. in short, it's a tad bit exciting. 


as i get closer to the surgery i'll educate you guys on the procedure i'm getting, why i chose that one over the others, and more about the options i didn't choose. i can tell you one thing...that so far i think the decision to go with dr. kim has been a great one. his staff is the best. they are all so helpful, knowledgeable and friendly while being incredibly professional.

-panda express dominator

purge the old...

coming closer into view. what do i want??? not what is available to me, but what do i want??? this is what i'm trying to answer. i think it's important for us all to answer this question. most people don't know because most people don't ask themselves. really? what is it that you want from life? the great thing about having this surgery is that i will be forced to make drastic life changes. what better time to start trying to answer those questions?

today, i will start COMPLETELY purging my refrigerator, freeze and pantry. only herbs and sauces will remain. i haven't cooked, grilled or baked anything since New Years Day so almost everything is bad or freezer burnt anyways. i will have a box of food donations, but everything else will be tossed...

i can't tell you how liberating this will feel. actually i can and will tomorrow :^D

-purging dominator

1 day closer...

tummy problems left me home sick the last few days. that said, if my stomach hurt that much with no surgery i can only imagine what it will feel like afterwards. my hope is that, knowing the pain is temporary, will comfort me.  nothing really new to report but don't want long lapses in writing. going to go to bed earls tonight. the good news is the weekend is only two days away :^D

-one day closer dominator

visualize...

after the huge post yesterday, i'll keep it short today. i'm still getting my mind used to the idea that i'll have to eat differently. and that my nights will be spent at the gym (like they used to) and that i'll be cooking again. from one of the classes i was required to take they tell you to "visualize your future self". very good advice in life. the more you visualize yourself the easier it will be to become your future self. so that's what i'm doing.

what will i do when i get stressed? how will i plan my day, my meals, my workouts? what will my work day look like? how will lunch look? these are things i'm playing through my mind to myself used to the idea NOW. this is one of the things i learned in my life. the more you plan the less stressful it will be.

-"future" dominator

the next episode...

welcome back. well i guess welcome back to myself since it has literally been years since i posted on a regular basis. before i do some catchup i just want people to know the personal stuff i share here isn't so you can respond with positive affirmations or for "atta boys" it's simply to express myself in a positive way and as a source of some therapy so to speak :). i'm not looking for advice and especially not criticism. my hope, especially going forward is that someone can relate, get some good info, and possibly make their day a little better. so let me catch you up on some things:

06/03/06 my last triathlon at my peak: and one of the best days of my life!!! things that happened that day...my 31st birthday, finished a tri, had bbq with some good tri friends (luv ya stacy), talked to the friends i loved the most in life on the phone (even the ones that always forget my birthday) talked to the last 3 intense loves of my life (2 past girlfriends and the first day i met my fiancee), one girl i was dating at the and cared about very much, all my best friends, AND the Mavs beat the PHX Suns and were the western conference champs for the first time in team history.

weight: 225 lbs 

08/08/08 my fiancee left: and "amputated my soul" she left me and rejected any attempt at therapy, reconciliation or any hope whatsoever of us working it out. i originally thought she "executed my soul" but it was simply an "amputation" from the neck down. this date is important only because this was the life event that started me down the path of "passive" self destruction.
weight: 265 lbs

02/17/10 my knee surgery: evidently my ACL had left me. my previous ACL surgery was in 2005. that was when i decided to give up the sport i loved so much (basketball) and start competitively mtn. biking and triathloning. not having to make quick cuts or direction changes, i guess i didn't notice the previous surgery didn't take and my body had "reclaimed" the graft. so in 2010 after my knee had swollen to the size of a grapefruit because of me working out on an elliptical, i found out i didn't have an ACL. i had a successful surgery.

weight: 325 lbs

06/22/10 ortho visit: after 4 months of rehab my knee wasn't healing decided to have a "quick clean-up surgery" the main problem here 

weight: 345 lbs

09/03/10 quick clean-up surgery: things went well and enjoyed some pappadeauxs afterwards :^D

weight: 335 lbs (340 after pappadeauxs)

12/15/10 ortho visit: knee still hasn't healed and keeps filling with scar tissue. doc says "until you lose weight your knee can't be in the proper position to heal correctly" definitely didn't like to hear that and started seriously considering weight loss surgery.

weight: 350 lbs

12/22/10 contact dr. kim: called and scheduled an appointment and began reading in-depth about all the different surgeries (lapband/bypass/sleeve)

01/17/11 dr. kim visit: while in the waiting room watching the vids about the procedure, it scared the crap out of me and i left without meeting dr. kim. more on that in another episode.

02/01/11 started training: decided i'd just try to train, eat right and hire a cycling coach to help me.

03/11/11 stopped training: things were ok at first but then the pain of even riding a half hour would linger for 2 days. this wasn't the good kind of pain but the bad kind of joint and bone pain. my knees, wrists and feet would ache and swell horribly. this is when i kinda gave up hope and didn't know what i'd do.

06/30/11 ortho visit: during the office visit he literally wrote "recommend gastric sleeve procedure" on my chart. after talking to my ortho i told him i would go back to dr. kim and do what it took to have the surgery.

07/12/11 dr. kim visit: i'll talk about him more in depth at another time but just know he could sell Raid to a bug. the important thing here is that i "enrolled" in the process.

07/26/11 first of 6 classes: my insurance had this stupid 6 classes (one a month) requirement.

12/18/11 last of 6 classes: the information was good but one class a month!!! when i was in the category of "super obese" (BMI of 50+) with there not being any category higher??? give me a fucking break fucking insurance company!!!

01/28/12 first pcp visit: needed to get primary care physician to sign off on my surgery. and of course the B---- wanted to give me every test under the sun. again, why am i here? to get a fucking surgery to fix my fucking problems!!!

05/07/12 pcp sign off: finally after heart sonograms, blood, catscans and urine tests she signs off.

06/05/12 petition insurance: insurance said i had to wait a year to have the surgery. so i sent in proof of no lack of coverage

06/28/12 insurance approval: i proved, they saw, they agreed to cover surgery with no waiting period.

07/06/12 finalized surgery schedule: got the letter from dr. kims office with all the dates finalized and reserved

08/27/12 gastric sleeve surgery date!!!!!!!

ok, now that's all caught up on Bastille Day i'll get to more stuff later. those that know me know i'm not one to really hold back, which is the main reason i put the blog to sleep for a while. i didn't want to tell people about things i wasn't 100% sure of and wanted make sure i was 100% committed. in the case of the chicken and the pig wanting to make breakfast... i'm the pig... the chicken is involved but the pig is committed...

-vive le daily dominator

good news...

well, today i got the letter in the mail i was waiting for. the one that contained positive medical news. i will be writing more about this but, this the main reason i haven't been writing in the blog. my life kinda was stuck and there wasn't a lot to write about that wasn't a bunch of starting and stopping. and the last thing i wanted was advice when i was unable to really change my situation. anyways, there will be more to come shortly. from here on out things will pick up.

-dominator

fate or faith...

sorry that i've been away. but there are some things i'm working on and because of unforeseen delays i can't share what's going on. ultimately it will be positive and when i start blogging i will be on here almost everyday. for know i'll leave you with a poem i like

"fate or faith"

Prophecies that show, the tragedies we know

Is it fate or faith that will save me

Everyday is the same, the tragedies we know

Is it fate or faith that will save me

Who made up the rules that we follow

Whos the chosen fool that we follow

Im betting my life

That it all rewinds and erases

How long must we wait to be happy

Is it fate or faith that will save me

Do I have the right

To receive gods eternal graces

-fate and faithful dominator